Suicide and life through the rearview mirror
May 12th 2008 01:46
We all have. That's (as they say) how we learn.
Some mistakes have been honest - and some well - yet all of them (no matter how big or small) take us to where we are in the here and now.
Life really is a series of victories and defeats. Sometimes we win - sometimes we lose - and sometimes it's hard just staying in the game.
A couple of weeks ago - I lost a mate to suicide.
Surreal and empty – the hollow heart and headspace that ensues cannot adequately be described – yet in my mind’s eye a vision of Hiroshima followed figurately by the personal aftershocks is the closest I can come to explaining the enormity of the news.
His wider circle of friends (be they sporting, social, school or business) didn’t of course perceive the dark consequences – let alone have an inkling – of the demons which must’ve been unsettling and ultimately ruling his destiny.
Nothing I, nor any of us say or do will bring him back – but of course we choose to remember our mate with a fondness – the mischievous nature of his early years, his cheeky larconic smile and butter would never melt in his mouth attitude, his sense of the here and now - will live on.
That to our knowledge - it is either sad or with a false sense of gallantry that he couldn’t (or chose not to) confide in anyone and talk through his circumstances that start to reflect just how important it is to have ‘close’ relationships – open and never damning relationships – people with whom you have no façade – and who are not simply a veneer in the good times and invisible in the bad.
I realize the topic is not pleasant nor my usual tome – but it is important – and is part of not only a healing process for me personally – but also a reminder to those of you reading right now – that life is fragile, life is more than deadlines and business meetings, more than that new plasma screen - it’s about family, friends and the people that go to make up who you are.
. . . and give yourself every chance to finish life’s self-portrait.
We’ll miss you mate.
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Comment by Cibbuano
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
even if we say this, do we really know it?
Comment by Louie
Climate Red
randomthoughts
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so so true, we all need a reminder every now and then
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
Could we have known?
Could I have made a difference if only I had noticed "something" (anything) of a clue, last time I saw him?
Probably not, because you would have, right?
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
Mich
Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
Pop Rock Factory
I was torn as to whether to share this at all - selfish - perhaps - necessary - definitely.
- and no - some of us never really know it.
Every friend represents a world within us.
Cheers
MNG
Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
Pop Rock Factory
Reality checks are cruel - it's both tragic (but at the same time imperitive) they make their presence felt.
MNG
Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
Pop Rock Factory
So many friends - yet so few really true connections I suspect.
It's so much more a testosterone based mantra (the inability to share) your worries and concerns don't you think.
It's one of those area's which doesn't receive the support it should and the attitudinal change - men are tough, men need to bottle it up - a man just deals with it - right?
Thanks
MNG
Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
Pop Rock Factory
(Insert name here) was known to me from school days - but most recently via the sporting field and those social events which eminate from it.
Our loss - has been felt by many.
Apologies for promoting such an out of character post - but sometimes things just need to be done.
Thanks
MNG
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
My thoughts are with you and your friend's family,
Tracy
Comment by James Rickard
unlucky_ fishermen.com
Angling Fish
Check this out...
Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
Pop Rock Factory
It came as a shock of course - the reasons even now are now patently clear.
My thoughts too are with his family.
MNG
Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
Pop Rock Factory
The trauma that his brothers and father and closest of kin must be going through is well - unimaginable.
We all lurch from day to day sometimes - but to get to that point . . . .
So many will miss his ways.
Cheers
Comment by RubySoho
Music Zone
Thought Zone
Thanks for sharing.
Ruby
Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
Pop Rock Factory
Thank you for sharing.
MNG
Comment by Morgan Bell
Science News
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Artist Quirk
thanks for sharing your story, it is good to read a wake up call every now and then
Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
Pop Rock Factory
While I'm sure that's true (and it is) - it wasn't the case in this point.
Don't be too hasty when you go about chasing all the world has to offer I say - it has a way of catching you sometimes.
Stay well
Comment by Johnny Come Lately
Jack's Back
Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
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So very right.
Appreciate you sentiments.
MNG
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
Screen Trek
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
It is shocking and terrible, and I know the emotions you have been experiencing very well MNG.
All I can say is, your friend has found peace at last.
He did not do this to hurt others, even though that is what happens, he just found himself at a place where there ceased to be any other choices, death seeming to be the obvious and best solution.
This is not an act of cowardice, nor hatred, although some may argue that it is hatred of the self.
However, most people do not understand the psyche of the suicide's mind, only those who have seriously tried it, and went through with it, have some chance of true empathic understanding. (A clinical understanding of it is quite different, to my mind.)
I did. I survived, obviously, and I did not attempt it to garner sympathy, support or to harm others emotionally, it was just a total closing down, a cease to exist mind set, where no other thoughts could enter, a dark place, of no light.
cheers MNG, and know you are appreciated and that your friend's inner turmoil is now at rest. You are coping with it well, by the words I read here, and it is the best medicine of all, to think not of his death, but what good his life brought others.
fog
Comment by samaritan
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Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
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Thanks buddy.
MNG
Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
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You are indeed a learned, insigtful and compassionate human being.
MNG
Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
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I had not seen XX for several weeks prior - but appeared in good spirts at the time - upbeat and jocular in his own way.
So many questions . . .
Cheers
MNG
Comment by Cheryl J
Rhythmatism
Zentertainment
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It is very rare for people to know when someone is suicidal. As you said above your friend appeared upbeat which happens often when people have already made the decision. They know they have found a way to end their pain and so feel better. It's ironic and terribly sad.
My heart goes out to you, your friend's family and all of those who were touched by this tragedy.
Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
Pop Rock Factory
Your words - somehow have a softness to them which are tinged with a calming empathy.
Thank you.
MNG
Comment by Anonymous
It is always sad to hear about people in so much pain.
Comment by Joseph R. Terrazzino
Sorry about the loss. I lost a distant cousin this way. Owen Wilson most recently took a turn at it. That is the scary truth of depression: it hides within many of us one might not expect it to have gained entrance.
Good point in stressing the need for close, non-damning relationships. Even online buddies--faceless, accepting, non-judgemental avatars in the internet abyss. Probably the best to confide in.
I say pray for him, remember him, and forgive him. Forgive yourself. Whichever act applies. Pain begets in the act of suicide. But it's no one's fault.
Life is sometimes unbearable.
Brave post, my friend.
Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
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Hopefully - the torment for him is over.
Cheers
MNG
Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
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Salient and compassionate words - my thanks to you and all who have spoken with so much empathy and understanding.
Cheers
MNG
Comment by DuskDevi
Rugby World Cup 2007
Thinking of all of you who feel his loss.
Dusk
Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
Pop Rock Factory
Thank you.
MNG
Comment by B7
I'm so sorry for your loss, may we always remember them.
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
So very sorry for your loss.
About 12 years ago a family friend (he was 17) committed suicide. His parents and others alike couldn't understand why he did it. I did understand.
I didn't know him very well. He lived a few streets away and we went to the same school but he was a couple of years younger. He was a very quiet guy. Outwardly he seemed like the dutiful son.
The thing about suicide is, (I'm no expert) is that if someone says, "I'm feeling suicidal" they have found the courage to seek help, and maybe there's a glimmer of hope.
I can only imagine that if someone goes through with it, it's because they see no light at the end of the tunnel.
And how do you know who is suicidal? You don't.
I don't know.
Does your friend have a wife/partner, kids?
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
Pop Rock Factory
My thoughts go to you and your family. Losing a brother is something I simply cannot imagine - the hardship and ongoing hurt has to be tempered with remembering the good times and the smiles I know - but it's hard isn't it?
Stay well and thank you for sharing.
MNG
Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
Pop Rock Factory
Thankyou.
As a matter of fact he did. A partner and three kids - which makes it all the more tragic.
No words are ever completely consoling and time passes just too slowly to thoroughly heal the wounds -
as we in the mortal world are simply left with the hurt and question 'why'.
Your thoughts are appreciated.
MNG
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
I am so very sorry friend that this has happened. Sometimes a depressed person plans a suicide in advance. Many times, though, suicide attempts happen impulsively, in a moment of feeling desperately upset. A situation like a financial difficulties, relational issues, career uncertainties, or myriad of other concerns may cause someone to feel desperately upset. Often, a situation like this, on top of an existing depression, acts like the final straw.
Some people who attempt suicide mean to die and some don't. For some, a suicide attempt is a way to express deep emotional pain. They can’t say how they feel, so, for them, attempting suicide feels like the only way to get their message across. Sadly, even when a suicide attempt is a cry for help and the person doesn’t mean to die, there’s no way to control it. Many people who die really didn’t mean to kill themselves.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your friend's family.
Mis